She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
