the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize