I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Still dying that you shit outside
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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