so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
