capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
