Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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