I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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