YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
