i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think my tv is drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
