meet me or not, i'm out of control
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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