belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
