The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
