my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
