Soap is not a condiment
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
