She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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