woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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