dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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