he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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