i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
