my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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