Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
