I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
