it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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