I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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