did you get engaged???
so explain again why im purple
no
he puts the penis in happiness.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
