you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
