I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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