Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
