I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
