im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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