I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize