An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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