The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
