Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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