I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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