I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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