when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
