Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
