Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
