Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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