sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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