I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i think i just lost a toe
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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