you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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