Pregnant stripper...not hot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
