you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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