and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
