if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
