they need to just BURY HIM!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
