At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
