Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood

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(443): View more from Maryland

Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

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(916): View more from California

I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

he has this weird thing where he watches me pee

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(616): View more from Michigan

2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

(616): View more from Michigan

2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?

(1-913): View more from Kansas

Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often

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