so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
