this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
