The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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