I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
