I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you didnt know i had herpes?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
