So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she peed on how many people?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
