It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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