So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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