We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
