I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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