you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
