You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
