He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
