I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
