Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
