"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just threw up on my dentist
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
