"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
