I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
