did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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