Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
