The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
