I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
