it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My pussy is not your playground.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
