Jerry, you need to find god
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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