im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
