I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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