Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im six kinds of drunk right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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