I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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