I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
