His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
