I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
