Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize