Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
