Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
