Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
