bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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