Do you still have your period?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
