After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
