I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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