arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
