Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
