Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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