He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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