I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
