I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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