I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
