drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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