why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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