Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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