Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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